Pickin' on Little Kids in a Harlem Movie Theater

Just like old times, right?

Right.

White Heroes

My people have never first drawn a bow or fired a gun against the whites.  There has been trouble on the line between us, and my young men have danced the war dance.  

But it was not begun by us.  It was you who sent out the first soldier and we who sent out the second.

Rocky VII: What Are You, a Fuckin' Keebler Elf?

Slouch hats annoy me.  So does any article of clothing that invokes forest-dwelling cookie makers.  I thought fashion was taking a better direction this last year because everyone started dressing sartorially and streamlined like they were characters from Mad Men.  And while that may not be an original thing to do in the slightest, dressing like Pete Campbell or Joan Holloway at least means you’re going to look proportionate, well-tailored, and damn good.  So I had my hopes up for a minute there, until Slouch lurked along with its leg-stumpifying flat-heeled slouch boots, and shit all over the country’s fashion sense.  Now slouching is all the gotdamn kids care about these days.

I'm Erect. Why Aren't You?

When I tell you about one of the fucking strangest things that’s ever happened to me, I want you imagine your boss peeing on you.  The only way you’ll be able to truly relate to my curious experience is by picturing a golden shower steaming off your chest, creating a little yellow pool around your crossed legs before whirl pooling down the drain.  Now that you have that image in your heads, buckle the fuck up cuz’ if I accepted the job I applied for on Craigslist, I’d be making $191.78 a day doing the same thing.  Thaz right:  One Huuuuundred and Ninety One Big Ones every day of the year for living the very definition of the trickle-down effect.  One Huuuuundred and Ninety One Smackeroos.

Couch Time: I Am Not a Peeping Tom

The J-Man cometh to Couch Time!  To celebrate, we discuss weddings, Elliott plays the guh-reatest prank on me, and we attempt to dispel the rumor that he is a peeping tom.  Also, stand-up comic Levi Rounds graces us with his presence. 

Long-time friend Elliott Jarman is a video artist, snowboarder, and musician between bands.  You want a bass player? Well, go get 'im!

Levi Rounds is a Salt Lake area stand-up comic.  He will be headlining at Club DJs (5400 South Bangerter Hgwy in Kearns) for K-Town Komedy on September 15th at 8:00pm. 

Obsession of My Life during the Month of August 2011: Stevie Nicks

If I wasn’t so incredibly broke, I would have gotten the following tattoo last weekend:

Pretty, huh?  Sadly, I just ate a white bread and barbeque sauce sandwich because I’m out of all other food, and the script above my boobs is obviously from a sharpie.  A friend even had to buy me that sharpie...poor little street urchin I am.  Anyways!  My newest of new features on the blog is called Obsession of My Life during the Month of Whenever (yessir, just like the title of the post indicates), and the fixation of August 2011, the woman that really wound me up, was Stevie Nicks.