World Leaders I Think Are Hot: Top 10

10.  Grand Duke Henri – Luxembourg:  Any man that looks like a British secret agent crossed with a villain on Die Hard could turn on his country or kidnap Bruce Willis’ wife and I’d still fuck him.

9.  Julia Gillard – Australia:  What the hell?  Most of what I’ve learned about Australians’ hotness is based off of watching Outback Steakhouse commercials, and usually the actors in those are frat boy-ish, boomerang-throwin’ chazwazzers that would probably suck in bed because they’re always sunburnt from frolicking on some giant red rock in the middle of the fucking desert all the time.  No more.  No more of that.  Sorry Australia, TV ruins things.  Julia’s got a Tilda Swinton vibe going on, no?

Tammi G: Nightmare in a Broken Heel

Last Halloween, Tammi Gymnastics and I went to a costume party held at a warehouse tucked away behind several dance clubs lining the train tracks.  Tammi dressed exactly as she always does (think Nomi Malone crossed with Cristal Connors crossed with Henrietta Bazoom crossed with Penny Hope), except she stuck a pair of fangs onto her incisors, and painted on one single perfect drop of blood running out of one side of her mouth.  I, on the other hand, was fucking tired of being frigid every Halloween, so I forewent the slut garb, and opted for something warmer.  I dressed like a pregnant girl.  Nothing (marginally) clever like a pregnant cheerleader or girl scout, just pregnant in regular street clothes (with my actual old baby blanket tucked underneath my maternity shirt).  I didn’t even wear heels, which totally makes me self-conscious these days because everyone can tell what a squirt I am.

Obsession of My Life during the Month of September 2011: Prince

In the grand tradition of posting terrible sharpie’d tattoos I’ve dreamt of getting, I give you September’s ode to my latest obsession:

Split ends and Tramp Stamp 4Evah!  I’m actually embarrassed to have posted that photo, but my very personal trainer took the time to follow me around my apartment while I was topless, so I couldn’t just not post it (and by ‘very personal’, I meant she’s my best friend, and I threw ‘trainer’ in there simply because she drunkenly eggs me on while I practice Cagle exercises in my bathtub on Thursday nights).