Monday, March 26, 2012

Don't Hate On My Exhaustion

Tonight, I'm working on all things Kenny Powers, so in the meantime, enjoy this:


I want a tattoo of that.  Thanks, interwebs!

Friday, March 9, 2012

Look How Cute He Is...I Fuckin’ Hate Him.


Okay, so Chapter 16 of Eastbound and Down should be renamed to “Shit Texas Says, and Why Ashlee Wants to Bone Him:  A Lifetime Original” Seriously, Matthew McConaughey’s Roy character was on fire this episode.  I don’t care if he’s gay; I’ve got the urge to send him Olivia Munn-esque instructional picture sexts that say things like, “Nibble on these,” or “My asshole is right where that arrow is pointing, and it’s saved just for you.”  Mmm, damn.

Anyways, there was an element of tragedy in this week’s episode.  Just when I was warming up to Shane-Dog, and even predicted he was going to make some serious power plays, he had to go fuck it up.  This post is obviously not spoiler-proof, but for those who haven’t seen Chapter 16 yet, I’ll let your imaginations run wild as to what brought on Shane’s untimely end.  With him out, I guess I still have Stevie to count on for mixing up the scoreboard.  Someone else who might make a dent in the upcoming episodes is our newbie, Ivan, the young Russian pitcher that can plant 103 mph fast balls down the line.  Kenny understandably hates him, but I don’t mind the young one.  He’s got wild teeth, and unlike virtually all Russian men I’ve met at bars, he openly admitted that he likes America.  Fuck yeah, buddy! 

So, with all this shit going on, I’m going to need you to hit the ground running, okay?  We’re gonna have to unfortunately convert the dojo into Toby’s room.  I’m gonna need you to baby-proof this bitch up.  Stash all the weapons, make it kid-friendly.  You will use my computer research lab as your sleeping chambers.  There is a bed for each of you.  Once upon a time, I believed in destiny, but now I say ‘F’ that ‘B’.  Let’s get to the numbers.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

I Think His Body’s Rejecting the Pepsi.


Dawg, you gotta stay with me.  I’m moving very fast today, come ON.  I do not have time to play Inspector Gadget with your emotions, but I will say I’m sah-wry for posting this Eastbound and Down Chapter 15 recap mere hours before the airing of “next week’s” episode.  I made a promise last week to be more prompt with my recaps, but apparently, my fuckery knows no bounds.  Without divulging too much, I’ll just say the excuse for my post’s tardiness is that this last week, I decided to be a big baby about some personal things.  Stupid fuckin’ baby.  But oh well, let’s get past this!  Spring is on the horizon, and I’ve got a very important Who’s Fucking In, Who’s Fucking Out count to tally! 

So, Chapter 15 was really weird, right?  This episode really skirted the line…as to who this show is really for.  Is it rednecks or smart people?  Or, is the show trying to play smashy smashy to both crowds?  Whatever the writers were smoking, I’d say it didn’t pan out as well as they’d hoped.  The episode started strong for the first half, and then right after Kenny walked into Ashley Shaeffer’s Kia dealership, the show turned into a Will Farrell movie.  And not one of those funny ha-ha Farrell movies like Roxbury, Elf, and select parts of Drowning Mona, Old School and Zoolander, but rather one of those god-awful self-aggrandizing productions like Talladega, Stepbrothers, Semi-Pro, and select parts of Anchorman.  Like many other good drug appreciators, I know that sometimes it’s best to appreciate drugs from afar.  Sure, it’s fun as hell to get wasted with buddies and film one of them dressed up as an Asian concubine, but your trip passes the point of no return when the loudest friend in the room decides to air the footage.

Relax.  The episode wasn’t depraved or so downright imbecilic to the point of it not being watchable. I still had a lot of fun with it, and that’s an uplifting realization when I consider that this show has raised the bar so high on entertainment in general, that even its shittiest episode is well done.  Alright, now without further ado…