I Think You Mean...Piñacoladaburg.

Since I've been in a bad way for the last couple of weeks, I figured it'd be a good time to throw a PAXTON BOMB all over my front page to cheer myself up:

That's better.  I thought I might mash it up, and turn this into a Paxton-Tommy Wiseau match, but that man deserves another post entirely.  So, what else have you got, Bill?

Nice.  I think I'm starting to crack a smile.  But what I really need to see is lots of teeth and tongue.

Damn.  You have no idea how many times my sister and I attempted that trick at family outings when we were kids (to the point that my mom would have to pack extra plastic cutlery everywhere we went).  Now, gimme something I can snap my fingers to.

Love how you handed it to that bitch that dared compare you to Jimmy Buffet.  Loved you as a punk in Terminator with the tire tread marks painted all over your face!  And I especially love the fact that Big Love has been canceled (for your sake, not for Chloë Sevigny's) because now you can shed that boring, one-note, polygamous husk they kept you in all that time, and resume starring in every James Cameron film known to man.

Thanks, Bill. :)

Love.

This One Goes To Eleven

Two thousand eleven has been one of those years that no matter what good has happened, the bad makes it easy to dismiss the past 365 days by saying, “Now Daddy, shake 2011's hand, and let's be On. Our. Way.” No bullshit, things got a little ugly this year. But hey, that's alright, right? I've got a number of things lined up for 2012 that will more than make up for this last year's bullshittery, like taking up racquetball, starting life in my thirties, Tammi Gymnastics' and my upcoming trip to SF and Portland, and....becoming a prankster. I really want to take fucking with people up to a whole new level. But before I can do that, I got to get the taste of 2011 out of my mouth. Since the end of December is all about lists, here's mine (in no particular order of importance) for the year:

Pickin' on Little Kids in a Harlem Movie Theater

Just like old times, right?

Right.